I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
