I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
