The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
