Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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