Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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