Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
