Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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