i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
