did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
