No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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