We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
