party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
