Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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