Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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