We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
