Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
