Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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