In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have started to decorate penises.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
ok first of all what the fuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
