We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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