You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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