i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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