Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
