You're my little dorito
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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