I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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