I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
