That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
