Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
