Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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