things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
