I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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