So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
