i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
