She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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