Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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