I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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