Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex on a dog bed..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
