Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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