I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
