At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
