apparently the secret to your success is patron
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
