I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
