Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
