just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
why is half of my head shaved?
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