I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
