I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
