Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
