Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
