Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
