Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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