I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
