U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
