i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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