i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
