so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
