im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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