well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
